Laura at Chez Mummy describes herself as: Wife of one, mother of two, holding down a full-time job and living through a major house renovation project. Just trying to stay sane amidst the mayhem! I think we can all relate. She’s also the brain-child of the brilliant new vlogging linky, Show Real, which I plan on taking part in just as soon as I have a facelift/personal hairdresser/voice-double. She’s very kindly agreed to guest post today about juggling work and motherhood.
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Last week, my maternity leave came to an end and I returned to work. Back to life as a working mum.
I make no excuses for the fact that I’ve found it hard. Having nearly one year at home with my children was fantastic. Going back to work has been a shock to the system and we are all still getting used to the new routine. I feel guilty that I am, in some way, ‘abandoning’ them (even though they are being looked after by my mother-in-law in my absence). But, at the same time, it has got me thinking. In a strange way, does having less time with my children actually make me a better parent? Bear with me on this one…
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I would love to spend all day every day at home with my children but it’s not financially possible. Both my husband and I have to work to ensure we can continue to provide a roof over our heads, food on the table and anything that our children need. Plus, I do really like my job. I feel very fortunate to have some great colleagues and a job that I actually enjoy.
Would I feel more fulfilled if I was a stay at home mum? I’m not sure. The upside of being with your children every day is how you see them develop and the extremely close bond that will inevitably develop. You don’t miss the moment when they crawl / walk / talk for the very first time.
However, whilst I thoroughly enjoyed my maternity leave and creating a close bond with my two children, I’ll be honest and admit to getting frustrated at having to watch ‘Numberjacks’ endlessly almost every day, the tantrums and sibling jealousy, the lack of adult interaction and being more or less house-bound. I remember days where I would feel exasperated, my patience wearing thin. Sometimes I found myself wishing for a bit of time off.
Now I’m working once more, I have found that I appreciate my children and the time I spend with them so much more. Dedicated time with them is rarer now and so I want to spend it hugging and kissing them, soaking up every moment and making the most of the weekends when I have them all to myself for two whole days. We still have to watch ‘Numberjacks’, but I’ll happily watch it a thousand times over as long as I can cuddle my kids while I watch it. And I still have that close bond with them; I am their mother after all.
Yes, during the week it’s a struggle to leave my children in the mornings and it can be emotional when I get home in the evening. I miss them like mad during the days too. But I try to console myself that I’m doing it for the right reasons and maybe, just maybe, it might be the best thing for all of us…
I think stay at home mums and working mums both have it hard. Neither situation is easy and the guilt of whether we are doing enough for our children is ever-present. I don’t believe there is a right or wrong answer to the ‘better parent’ debate. This post is about me and how I’m trying to make the best of my situation. Everyone’s circumstances are different and as long as you’re being the best parent you can be then, in my eyes, you’re doing a good job. What do you think?
Wow thought provoking post and I love your blog!
My blog has evolved over the past 4 years into more recently a parent/baby theme and this was a timely post for me as I begin to think about having to go back to work full time, having had my little boy last August x
Again I had my own home based business until a year ago and am dreading having to leave little one full time and find a ‘normal job’ but finances dictate at the moment. Personally I would love to stay at home, but havign a baby has been a real eye opener for me – it is HARD work in itself!!
I suspect there’s no perfect solution to this. We simply have to do the best we can.
I’ve tried the ‘go back to work fulltime’ route with my first two children. It worked well with the first child (although it was hard work) and not so great with the second child where I had moved to another job. The office was much further away and I was spending more time at work, often 10 hours a day and the salary just didn’t make it worthwhile. I’m now a WAHM, and because my day is not just filled with work but also school runs, tea times and bath times, I’m much way busier than before. There’s no down time and I often work into the evenings after kids are in bed and also during the weekends.
Like you, being a SAHM is not an option financially. Fortunately, I love my work and actually want to carry on working.
My conclusion, after the experience of going back fulltime to work and working at home, is as long as you’re broadly happy (and pros outweigh cons given circumstances), then that is a good place to be.
I’d just like to write a few things as a little ‘add on’.
First of all, I hope this was apparent in my blog post but I want to be really clear on a couple of things. I’m not implying that working mums are better than stay at home mums or vice versa. I’m not saying working mums appreciate their children more than stay at home mums or vice versa. I wouldn’t dream of making any outrageous assumptions like that. I think that as long as we’re all doing the best we can, that is more than good enough and no-one has the right to judge anyone else.
This post is about me. Just me. I’m asking if I – and I alone – might be better as a working mum rather than a stay at home one. It’s a desperate question really – I’d love to be at home with the children all day every day but there are (mostly financial) reasons why I can’t so I’m trying to find some sort of positive angle to having to go back to work full-time.
Back to my question of whether I think I might be a better mum now that I’m working and actually, I’m not sure I am. I may want to indulge my children in kisses and cuddles and spoil them rotten at the weekends but in the week, when I’m under pressure to get them out of the house in the morning or into bed in the evenings, I can be pretty cranky. I really don’t want to be like that with them. I’ve had some very tearful evenings so far because I’ve felt that I haven’t had any time with them and I’m missing out.
Yes, being a working mum can bring out the best in me but having to work full-time with a long commute can help to bring out the worst sometimes. Does my best side win out more often? I hope so.