Why you should make a Will.

There’s a spot on the inside of my cheek, a lump of scar tissue built up over years of inadvertently biting the inside of my mouth (I’m quite good at injuring myself in preposterous ways.) I spent the morning chewing that spot on the inside of my mouth, hoping that the sensation would be enough of a distraction. It wasn’t though. As my Gran’s coffin arrived at the Chapel, I could feel the tears welling up. As the celebrant talked about Gran’s life, her grandchildren, and her great grand-children, my babies, they started falling. And though I chewed my chewy-spot and sucked on the throat lozenges that are currently getting me through the day, they kept on falling. Tears are to be expected at funerals. There were laughs too, as the family caught up with each other. Laughs as we told tales of the woman we all loved so much. There were lots of laughs too, which I don’t suppose are as usual.

Until today, I had been to only two funerals. I sang in the school choir at the funeral of an old boy when I was at school. I remember that there was a danger that the coffin-bearers would drop the coffin on the polished marble floor because they were all so old and doddery. It was all we could do to stop from laughing. I did a reading at the funeral of my Nan 12 years ago, which was an altogether different experience, since it was all I could do to keep it together. I remember how hard it was to see The Mothership suffer so at the loss of her mum. I remember feeling helpless.

At none of the funerals do I remember doubt or confusion. They were all organised carefully. Everything ran to schedule: there were flowers, music, tears and cups of tea. There were often cups of something stronger. There was never any doubt about what was wanted from the service, whether religious or non-religious. There were no family disputes about where to bury the loved-one, whether to cremate them, where to scatter the ashes. And I don’t know that there were any falling-outs afterwards, as Probate was dealt with, Estates were tallied and divided.

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When I was pregnant with the Threeva, I was convinced that my beloved husband was going to die and leave me to raise our baby on my own. When I was pregnant with Dimples, I was sure that I would be the one to die, leaving DH with two young children. I would literally lie awake fearful that if I closed my eyes they would never open again. In a bid to assuage my fears and help me sleep, DH and I rewrote the Wills that we had written before our honeymoon. This time, instead of downloading them from the internet, we contacted a solicitor recommended to us, who helped us make provisions for the care of our girls should the worst happen to us. I have never cried as much as I did trying to work out who would care for them. (Actually, that’s a lie: the day before I went in to hospital to have Dimples, I wrote a letter to my husband and one to each of my babies, telling them all how much they meant to me and how much I loved them. I have never cried as much as I did writing those letters, so convinced was I that I wouldn’t come home from hospital.)  DH and I have made careful plans for the care of our girls, for the dispersal of our assets, even for the funeral itself. It means that there will be fewer decisions and less stress for those we leave behind to organise our farewell, and I can sleep a little better. As Benjamin Franklin said, in this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. Having a Will won’t help with the first but it will help with the second. But more than anything, it’s the best thing you can do for the family and friends who will sit at your funeral and bite the inside of their cheeks. You won’t halt their tears but you will ease their burden.

If you aren’t convinced the Government website offers more information on why you should make a Will, as does The Law Society, where you can also search for a solicitor in your postcode. The Times also offers useful information on how to make a Will. 70% of people, according to a feature I heard on Radio 4 today, die without making a Will. Leave a last gift for your loved ones, and make one today.