Festive swear words on the Christmas Countdown

 There have been a few extra bodies in our bed of late, and before you start thinking that you’ve tuned into the wrong blog and that it should be beyond the watershed, I refer to:

1. The Wonder Hound, who whined so pitifully in the night because she was cold that we brought her into our room just to shut her up. She obligingly curled up under the duvet at the bottom of the bed to warm DHs toes.

2. The Pocket Dictator, who woke up cold (not really a surprise given that we weren’t allowed to put her pjs on, so she went to bed in her vest and princess pants. And by bed, I mean a bean bag on the floor, since the bed was ‘not right’, covered in a light quilt that Granny M made her.) and insisted that she came into our bed. Which is to say that she cried lots, and loudly, a sure-fire way of getting her way in the small hours of the morning, since we will do anything to keep Dimples asleep. So in she came, along with blankie and not one, but two dogs, and wedged her little body between DH and I. At which point, with a warm body at our feet and a warm body between us, we switched off the electric blanket.

3. Dimples woke up coughing mere minutes later just as we’d all dozed back off, so in she came in too. PD turned over and snuggled up to her, the dog thought better of it and fled to a bedroom chair and DH and I were left clinging to our respective sides of the bed whilst our darling daughters writhed and wriggled.

Thus after a few days of these nights, DH and I are a little short. I don’t know how DH handles it, since he goes out to work every day. I swear. Lots. Unsurprising then that yesterday morning whilst we were still dozing and the girls were being quite dear to each other as they snuggled in bed, we heard “God’s sake Bella, what did I said??” Frankly I’m surpised it wasn’t worse.

But it does mean I am having to come up with alternative expletives to use when short-tempered and within earshot of kidlings. Ones I have used thus far include:

•  Elf Yourself, with sincere apologies to purveyors of amusing video montages, but Elf does so lend itself to the alternative swearing world.
• I’ll roast your chestnuts, mate: not quite as good but useful for when in the car and being cut up by some stupid boy racer who doesn’t understand the unwritten etiquette of 1,1 when two lanes feed into one. Grrr.
• Baubles. Simple but effective.
• Clanging Bells, as provided by DH. 
• to be Scrooged Off.

It’s a work in progress, so feel free to add to the list. I can’t wait to see what you come up with!

This post was written as a desperate plea for help as part of Cafebebe’s Christmas Challenge.