Tea for one-and-eight-ninths

I have been a bit lax of late in the blogging department. Put it down to nesting and such- but now the nursery has been painted, decorated, furnished, curtained and dog-proofed. The Moses basket is stationed by my bed and the car seat is installed (so the dog gets used to it being there, you understand). I have sewn until my fingers bled, packed and repacked the hospital bag, spent hours filling in the forms for Maternity Allowance (a forty page document of which the first twenty pages are instructions on how to fill in the form…) and have officially gone on Maternity Leave. Of course this is all practical stuff that needs doing, but quite dull really.

The fun bit happened last weekend when I had my Baby Shower. It’s a very American thing that is beginning to take off here, although generally with a lot less (dare I say it) American enthusiasm. I have always had a thing for afternoon tea- such a great British tradition- despite the fact that I don’t drink tea, so when a friend offered to organise a baby shower, I told her that I would like to ‘do’ tea with friends. And so on the appointed day at the appointed time, I waddled past the doorman at Harrods to their terribly glamorous, if somewhat over-decorated, tea room Laduree. I sat bedecked in a floral garland and tiara and enjoyed hand-pressed apple juice and slowly ate my way through a host of candy-coloured goodies that were piled up on the tiered silver trays. The hot chocolate was literally that- hot molten chocolate that you needed to add hot milk to just to be able to sip. There was Champagne for the non-pregnant ladies, but to be honest, as I was knee deep in presents, I didn’t really notice! I had a lovely afternoon and came home literally weighed down with children’s books for our impending arrival
I confess though, that the tea wasn’t really all it could have been, a fact belied by the queue of people who patiently waited, often for more than an hour, for a table.

As I mentioned earlier, I have long adored the idea of an afternoon tea. This stems back to an afternoon when I was a Forces Brat and mum, the brothers and I participated in a fake-evacuation. To be honest, the whole day was bloody boring- there was so much hanging around on a day when we could easily have been by the pool or at the beach. But my abiding memory is of the tea that awaited us in the Sports Hall. Now I know that choux swans are actually more about looks than taste, but I had never seen a food more decadent and other-worldly. From the moment I saw them, I promised myself that one day, when I was all growed up, I would eat proper afternoon teas with proper scones and swans and be a lady. When I ended up in London, I came a few steps closer to the reality.

I now know the joy of afternoon teas. DH- who, at least 99% of the time is the most heavenly man a woman could ever hope to meet, organised afternoon tea at The Wolseley for my birthday. It was the most magical afternoon- the realisation of a childhood dream. The setting was exquisite; there are cathedral-like ceilings, twinkling lights, heavenly Art Deco surroundings that I could have just stared at all afternoon. Then I noticed that the white linen tablecloth was decked with silverware and china and sparkly glass, and a tiered tea tray stacked with dinky sandwiches, pastries, scones, enough to feed me until bedtime. I felt like a child at Christmas; I had to go to the bathroom to do a happy dance, and even they were fabulous.

DH has recently also brought me one step closer to being a lady- he gave me a Lady’s Card to his club. So when the mothership last descended I thought I would take her there as a birthday treat, for afternoon tea. The setting is somewhat different to The Wolseley- it’s calmer, quieter and more understated. But this is no bad thing when you are seven months pregnant and the size of a small elephant. Sadly the tea that I had built up turned out to be nothing more than toasted teacakes and a few digestive biscuits. It was both disappointing and embarrassing, and will mean a strongly worded letter to the secretary. Next time I think we’ll try somewhere else. The advantage of being a lady who lunches is that there are plenty of other places to ‘tea’ out. Even if I don’t take full advantage of the separate tea menu.