I’ve always been crap at lying. You know how there are people who, if you ask how they are, convincingly say “I’m great!” and then six months later you find out that their cat died and their boyfriend left them for another man on the same day and you had absolutely no clue from the way she was acting.
That’s not me.
I remember being really upset on meeting someone new once when I was at Uni- apparently they had been warned that “Kelly always has to make you feel as bad as she feels.” It’s not that at all. I just can’t say “I’m fine/the holiday was great/I feel really well” and be convincing. So it’s easier just to tell the truth and explain that I’m not looking for sympathy or even understanding; I feel crap, there’s a reason, and I’ll get over it.
I’ve been struggling with writer’s block in the days since I returned from our sojourn in France. Not because I have nothing to say, but because I am trying not to say things. And in turn, it’s making me feel incapable of writing, because I am crap at lying.
So here’s the thing. Two weeks ago I found out I was, finally, pregnant.
One week ago I was told that I had suffered a miscarriage.
And today I’m back at home, feeling like I’ve lived a lifetime in a week and trying to work out how to ‘get back to normal’. The dog still needs walking, the laundry needs washing, the bills need passing over to DH to pay.
But I’m struggling to know how to feel, how to act, how to be.
I’m writing this, not because I expect sympathy, understanding, pity, any of those things. I’m writing because if I don’t, I can’t get past it.
I feel crap, there’s a reason, and I’ll get over it.
DH very supportive, Carol, when he’snot on endless stag weekends….
Thanks WUASTC. Working on getting pst it. Have become a bit of a mumsnet addict, but whatever works, right?!!
I’m so sorry, Kelly. I hope you can get past this. You’re much better off the way you are, honest and open, than keeping it locked up inside.
Sorry to hear your news Kelly, and yes I’m another member of that club, several times over.
Everyone reacts differently, so just cope the best you can hun, I know DH will be very supportive ((((hugs))))
Thanks everyone. I really appreciate your good wishes. It’s also reassuring to hear that others have been through it and come out the other side, so thanks Heidi, SAHD and Crystal for letting me know that.
I’m so terribly sorry to hear your news. As someone with no experience of this I feel that any more I could say may lack the necessary understanding. But please know that I am thinking of you. Best Wishes Gwen
I’m crap at lying too and so’s my daughter!
I know you didn’t necessarily want commiseration, but my wife and I have been through it and I remember the numbness. Life does start to seem better again after a while though.
Kelly, you’ll probably be surprised at how many women have miscarried and never said anything. I did. It was 11 years ago but I remember the emptiness I felt and the feelings of not knowing how to feel. There’s not much to say apart from take care of yourself. You will need time to understand why this has happened and I came to the conclusion that it’s nature way. Email me if you need an extra friend or a cyber-shoulder at some time! But talking about it will help you to move on.
Love Crystal xx
P.S. I’m crap at lying too!
Oh sweetheart, how awfully horribly sad, big hugs from all the Clovers, we are thinking of you. I thought (for a month) that I had miscarried Milo so I have a little idea of how devastating it is.
xxx
Flip away NMOO…there’s never a bad time for flippant!
I don’t know what to say Kelly. Apart from I’m sorry to hear your news but I’m sure you don’t need to hear that right now x
Anything else I could say might be deemed flippant so I’ll just let you know that I’m thinking of you and wish you well xx